Divine Decorum: Expert Advice for Parties and Weddings

Q: I hosted a surprise birthday party for my dad and more than 40% of the guests did not respond by the RSVP date. I had to call each guest to find out if they were planning on attending the party; it was frustrating! Can you please explain the importance to RSVP?
Kelly - Chicago, IL

A:

What a frustrating time for you! This subject matter almost always comes up with my clients. The term RSVP comes from the French expression "répondez s'il vous plaît", meaning "please respond". If RSVP is written on an invitation it means the invited guest must tell the host whether or not they plan to attend the party. It does not mean to respond only if you're coming, and it does not mean respond only if you're not coming It means the host needs a definite head count for the planned event, and needs it by the date specified on the invitation. An incomplete list of respondents can cause numerous problems including difficulty in planning food quantities, issues relating to minimum guarantees with venues, and difficulties in planning appropriate seating, among other things. The next time you see RSVP on an invitation you receive, please call your host and respond  promptly.

Q: My future sister-in-law has given us our wedding photography as an  ngagement gift; it’s a friend of hers. I’ve taken a look at her portfolio on line and she’s not our style. How do we get out of this one?
Kim – Inverness, IL

A: Wow that is a generous gift and truly is one of the most important expenses for your wedding day. If you don’t love the style of the photographer from the beginning, you’ll end up second-guessing everything he’s doing for your wedding. Here’s what you should say to your future sister-in-law: “This is one of the nicest gift, thank you so much, but we already have someone else in mind.” If by chance your sister-in-law still persists, suggest using her friend to photograph your rehearsal.

Q: I am really frugal, and the idea of spending a lot of money on a wedding makes me sick. I’d rather have a huge down payment on a house! Is it impossible to have a wedding and celebration for $10,000 and invite 75-100 guests?
Sue – Palatine, IL

A: The only way you can have a wedding under $10,000 is to invite guests for wine and dessert, no table seating. It’s pretty much impossible otherwise. But that’s okay. It will still be your wedding, unique to you, and you can buy your house when it’s over. The only thing people are really interested in is a watching you get married.